Heather is an essayist, editor, CMO, mommy, and wife seeking stillness while in a state
of nearly constant motion. She lives, walks, and eats in the greatest city in the world: Chicago.
In January of last year, I wrote about my then-new habit of LovingKIndness meditation. Throughout the tumult that was 2021, I resolved to be gentle to myself through this practice, and I committed to a year of once-daily meditation.
And I did.
Read MoreJust as the fog of COVID seemed to be lifting, the headache descended on me like a thunder clap.
It began as a sharp ache at the back of my neck and spread its tendrils up into my head until it was a web of throbbing red light at the center of my skull.
Read MoreIn early 2020 when things shut down, my family and I shut down, too. At first, it was just supposed to be a few weeks. No big deal: After Spring Break (our trip was canceled like everything else), we’d be back.
Of course, it didn’t quite work out that way.
Read MoreI can’t remember a time in my life when I wasn’t worried about being fat.
I suffered through the indignities of having my BMI measured and announced publicly in gym class and struggling through the Presidential Physical Fitness test twice a year (fuck you, flexed arm hang). I did endless sit-ups in my room in the middle of the night to ensure I would pass. I went on ‘diets’ where I restricted my eating before I was 10. I wrote down everything I ate in my diary.
It is a very boring diary.
Every year I make a calendar full of family photos each month. Pictures from last February document a dinner out with friends, donuts sampling all over town, an overnight sleepover with a favorite family at the Field Museum. Living life without a second thought. When I flipped the month over to March, the photos show a sharp shift in content: No friends, no sleepovers, nothing but us at home.
As I turned the calendar, I thought about how I might commemorate this past year. I don't want to forget it, because it's an important time in our lives, but obviously, it's not an experience I ever hope to repeat.
Read MoreOne day during a miserable time in my life, I was wandering around a neighborhood store when I saw a small, gray stone with the word Truth painted on it. I picked it up. The oval fit perfectly in my palm, and something shifted in me. I realized I’d been lying to myself, lying to those closest to me, just to get through each day.
Read MoreThe cult of the ‘New Year, New You’ is hard to shake, but frankly, facing 50 is daunting. I'm not sure what being 50 is supposed to feel like, to look like. Where am I supposed to be after five decades of life?
I'm not sure, but I do know that I'm proud of making it through 2020, changed but still standing, mostly. So as I leap into 2021, I’m working less on fixing myself and more on loving myself.
Read MoreLast year I wrote about seasons of resolutions, which is my approach to adopting new habits a few months at a time in the New Year. Each quarter is an opportunity to grow and learn, and this process keeps me motivated throughout the year. I usually approach it with a spirit of renewal and change, with clarity and resolve.
This year, resolve has new meaning.
Read MoreThat’s the thing about hate.
It starts off innocently enough, the tiniest sapling. You think you can ignore it, so you do. It doesn’t seem so dangerous, really. Maybe it’s not your problem. Someone else will take care of it. Then suddenly, there’s no light. And there’s no sign of what grew there before. The roots now run deep. It will take some sweat to claim back our garden.
Read MoreMasks are the most depressing fashion accessory of 2020. In March, when it became clear that we were all going to be wearing them for the foreseeable future, I sewed a few for my kids and me.
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