I'm kicking off this new year with kindness.

I usually embrace all the things that the turning of the calendar brings, but of course, after the year we just had, nothing is the same. Last year I wrote about how I rolled out resolutions seasonally throughout the year, but I wanted to face 2021 with a new approach.

This is a big year for me since it includes a milestone birthday. In facing such an anniversary, it's my immediate impulse to think about resolutions as a series of lofty bucket-lists and ambitious goals related to that symbolic number: Read 50 books this year; Do 50 acts of kindness; Run 50 miles a month. How do I measure a successful year of my life?

It's a lot of pressure.

The cult of the ‘New Year, New You’ is hard to shake, but frankly, facing 50 is daunting. I'm not sure what being 50 is supposed to feel like, to look like. Where am I supposed to be after five decades of life?

I'm not sure, but I do know that I'm proud of making it through 2020, changed but still standing, mostly. So as I leap into 2021, I’m working less on fixing myself and more on loving myself.

I already meditate almost daily with the Ziva technique that Emily Fletcher describes in her fantastic book, Stress Less and Accomplish More. I’m so grateful that my BFF gave me the gift of this calming practice, which truly saved my sanity last year.

I’m also inspired by Dan Harris’ Ten Percent Happier podcast. He kicked off the year with a 21-day LovingKindness meditation challenge that I’m participating in (and you can, too). He and the TPH instructors introduce and lead us through various meditations, with the basic tenet that working on positive messaging not only makes us happier; there are scientific studies that show it makes us healthier.

I find LK meditation profoundly resonates with me. I particularly love one mantra that reminds us that we are not broken objects, something to be fixed or whipped into shape, as resolutions often propose to do. Instead, I’m working on the idea that I’m enough, with areas within myself to explore and grow, sure. But I'm good as I am, in the body I have, with the things I have, with the thoughts and emotions that I have.

When I started to pay attention, it’s shocking how often I was directing negative messages to myself.

Take exercise. It's easy to approach physical fitness with more than a little 'no pain, no gain' attitude, but lately, I find myself less interested in the pain part. Also, if I missed a training session I’d planned or cut a run short, my inner dialogue was rough: You are so lazy, you’re the worst.

LovingKindness meditation is teaching me to reframe my fitness attitude, starting with my reasons for working out. Instead of thinking in terms of negative body image or laziness, my motivation is to be healthy so I can be active with my young kids, to be able to travel (someday?), and to keep my body and mind fit. The physical benefits are great and help me feel positive, but I found these new goals much more inspiring than (just) great biceps.

I also started making time to be present for this experience instead of feeling stressed about fitting into a busy day. I get up early to exercise in the morning, which forces me to go to bed earlier, a cycle I'm thoroughly enjoying. The time is all my own; the house is quiet and still. I keep the lights low as I get ready. I added a day of just yoga to my schedule and included more stretching. I use the last 10 minutes before the kids are usually awake for meditation, something I also used to try to cram into a precious few free minutes.

I start the day feeling calm, centered, recharged. I'm ready to give more to others, as my day often requires because I've given myself a gift of LovingKindness.

If you think this sounds cheesy, you’re not alone. Even TPH founder Dan Harris admits to being a ‘fidgety skeptic.’ But once you start to tune out that inner critic, you'll find there's new space for growth and acceptance.

This gentle practice allows you to forgive your trespasses, large and small. We are all imperfect, but a running negative dialogue doesn't make it better. It just makes us feel bad.

Don’t get me wrong – I have many personal goals for the year, but running them through this LK ‘filter’ takes the pressure off. 'Eat healthy' turns into 'Be more mindful about your eating.’ If I want a cookie with my afternoon tea, I’m allowed to have that, as long as I take a moment to enjoy it instead of eating it on the run. ‘Don’t lose your temper’ becomes ‘Take a moment to breathe,’ I may still lose it, but Instead of good and evil and total success or absolute failure, I'm allowing for more gray areas.

I started doing a short meditation practice with my kids before we start their school day each morning. We sit together on the couch, sometimes holding hands, sometimes not, and we repeat this basic mantra:

May I be happy.
May I be safe.
May I be healthy.
May I be peaceful.
May I have a strong mind and body.
May I have a good day.

I give them each a kiss and a hug, tell them I love them, and they dash off for their headphones and Google classrooms. The first two days, they were skeptical and giggled. On the third day, they were engaged. By the fourth day, they reminded me when it was time.

So Happy New Year to you! I hope you’ll find that each new year, each new day, you are a work in progress. May you be happy, may you be safe, may you be healthy. May you find love and acceptance and joy. And may you find it within yourself.

This essay originally appeared in Fete Lifestyle Magazine’s January 2021 Issue.