What’s the most stressful position in Little League baseball?

Maybe it’s the pitcher: The Pitcher holds the fate of each batter in their hands. Each pitch is a critical, make-or-break moment.

Or perhaps it’s the batter? A chance at fame or infamy, hero or zero. An opportunity to help the team or let them down.

But maybe it’s an in-field position, like first base? Essential to so many plays. Or shortstop, who has to be exceptionally skilled and nimble? Or catcher, the field general with the best view of the whole game?

Wrong.

The most stressful position in Little League is not on the field at all. It’s field-adjacent, sometimes in rickety, rusty bleachers, sometimes on an uncomfortable camp chair. This position can be seen pacing around, muttering quiet prayers and sometimes not-so-quiet swear words. They sit through rain, sleet, snow, 117% humidity, and bugs. They are the most loyal fans, cheer the loudest, and often wash some of the player’s uniforms.

Of course, I’m talking about the sports parent, and it’s me.

I like watching my kids play sports. Being part of a team is good, practicing to improve is important, and learning to win or lose are essential life lessons.

Then why do I find it so stressful?

I’ve always had some anxiety, but I never knew what to call it. I’m a high achiever and have been a perfectionist for as long as I can remember. I find it difficult to face situations with a distinct possibility of failure. Watching my kids in that situation – despite all I said before and genuinely believing about learning to lose – triggers my anxiety.

The sports education and mental health support site, TrueSport, says that parent’s anxiety can impact their child athletes. TrueSport consultant Kevin Chapman, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and founder of The Kentucky Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders, writes that parental anxiety is common and can be managed.

He recommends talking about it with your athlete, trying to relax during the game, recognizing the process of growth that happens with each game – learning skills, tactics, strategy – and helping them through their feelings by listening, rewarding effort over results, and ultimately, managing extreme anxiety before it becomes a problem.

The site also features articles I wish I had as a younger person, addressing perfectionism and body dysmorphia, performance anxiety, and more.

The truth is that I worry about putting too much pressure on my kids to succeed in sports and elsewhere. My Dad was a loving father and husband but had high expectations. For me, his oldest child, it was as in academic achievement. I was expected to have perfect grades, behave, and be an excellent example for my three younger siblings.

My brother was (and is) a gifted athlete, and he was expected to be not just good but great or even phenomenal in every inning, quarter, and game. We’ve never talked about this similar experience, but I have to assume the weight of this was as crushing for him as it was for me.

Dad made himself and my family miserable about this sports thing. I know he loved us, that was never in doubt, but perfection was always just out of reach, and I carry the fear of not being good enough to this day. Worse than that, I fear lurking inside me is the same instinct for impossible expectations for my kids waiting to rear its ugly head.

So that leaves me where we started: I’m steaming in the Chicago heat, perched on scalding tin bleachers, straining with all my heart to be positive, to be present, to enjoy the opportunity to see my kids play, to cheer at the highs and to – help me – bite my tongue at the lows. During some seasons, during some sports (let’s be honest), there have been some serious lows. Sometimes I have to look away.

But sometimes, I find moments of happiness even when the score indicates that there is no joy in Mudville. I watched a more skilled player step aside and help my son change his grip on the bat and widen his stance. Next, at bat, my son hit a triple. I watched my son console a teammate with a pat on the back after a strikeout. I heard the team repeat silly chants and rally back to win late in the game.

My husband is an excellent example of the best sports parent behavior. He encourages my boys to work hard, practice, and improve, to show up for their teams, rain or shine. He sees my stress and helps me to relax. His expectation for me is that I also make an effort, that I do my best, and that I try to do better.

I’m not perfect, but I know I’m loved, and my kids know they are, too, and that’s the best position we could be in.

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This essay also appeared in the July 2023 issue of FLM - Fete Lifestyle Magazine.